Theresa May’s visit to Washington has unintentionally exposed the President’s fatal defect…

On the Guardian’s website, a piece optimistically labelled “analysis” asks whether Jeremy Corbyn’s position on Article 50 has put an end to the unity of the Labour Party. Yes indeed: those of us distracted over recent weeks by Brexit, Trump, the Supreme Court, chocolate leather trousers and the mysterious plague that appears to be killing off celebrities, may have failed to notice – taken for granted even – the legendary unity of the Labour Party. It goes to show that you must cosset these things because if you take your eye off them for a moment some twerp with a beard can come along with a policy and before you know it has all collapsed into a miasma of in-fighting, Tweet-slapping, bricks through windows and by-election post mortems.

Signs that the togetherness of Labour, forged in the era of Blair and Brown and so assiduously tended to in the days of Miliband and Corbyn, may be falling apart came during the week with the resignation of two members of the shadow cabinet.   The names of these departing silhouettes have become forgotten before they were even known, and there is no point looking them up since shadow cabinet resignations these days are more common than bodily bacteria. Mr Corbyn is now probably the only member of his shadow cabinet who has not yet resigned from it and such an eventuality can hardly be discounted as fantastical. It is well within the Labour leader’s praxis to rebel against his own policies and head for the backbenches in a thin cloud of Marxist dialectic and crumbs of feta cheese. So far as the policy in question is concerned, however –support for the Government’s Bill to detonate Article 50 – there will be no such rebellion. It is Westminster’s worst-kept secret that Mr Corbyn swings to Leave.

That Mr Corbyn is prevented by circumstance from coming out for Brexit is one of the many misfortunes to befall that hapless man. He is prevented by the fact that the constituency he represents is not merely metaphorically Islington, but actually Islington, and therefore the fulcrum of cosmopolitan resistance to the populist surge. He is hampered by heading a party that never really got the hang of recruiting coal miners or steel workers to its Parliamentary cohort, so that its Westminster ranks are harvested instead from fields of awareness counsellors, university lecturers and civil rights lawyers and are thus Remain almost to a person. Above all, Mr Corbyn is hampered by having the leadership skills of a cabbage. As she returns home from glad-handing Presidents Erdogan and Trump, the biggest worry that Theresa May can have about securing the comfort of Labour support for her Brexit Bill must be that Jeremy Corbyn is in favour of it. As the week progressed, the sound of Labour hooves thundering in the opposite direction became palpable.

It is a great shame that the prime ministerial itinerary couldn’t have accommodated Vladimir Putin as well, thus making the tour a clean sweep of all the liberals’ presidential bogeymen. Then again, the lack of retail opportunities would have prevented it. Mrs May sold military jets to Erdoghan and the Queen to Trump, in the latter case treating the US President much as one might any other wealthy American of retirement age: hook him on the idea of heritage, Royal bling and a few gee whiz look at this honey snaps of Buckingham Palace. What could she have offered Mr Putin? The Russian president’s territorial appetite is substantial but even he presumably would draw the line at Wales.

In the event Mr Trump was well-behaved during the encounter. He allowed the prime minister to inspect the restored bust of Winston Churchill in the Oval Office and was not noticeably caught out inspecting her bust in return. That Winnie has been returned to the ship’s bridge of Western hegemony has seen accomplished the major aim of British foreign policy in the last eight years.

Mr Trump and Mrs May were thus freed to talk turkey, or rather talk trade. Their talking done, they arrived at the subsequent press conference rather touchingly hand in hand. Could it be that the President had not, after all, heeded Nigel Farage’s advice not to molest the Prime Minister when he saw her? Apparently not, for it seems that the most powerful man in the world has a medical condition meaning that he is flummoxed by ramps. This was undoubtedly the best news of the week, signaling that Donald Trump’s power to eviscerate the world is as fatally constrained as that of the Daleks.